I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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