apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize