I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
