He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
