I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
