My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
