I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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