hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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