I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
