I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
