Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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