Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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