If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
