So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
