Tell her she can't have a vagina
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
