Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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