I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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