I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
