Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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