i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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