On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
