Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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