right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
