I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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