Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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