My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
