forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
