She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
