I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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