i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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