Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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