I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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