do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
