My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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