People with herpes should wear stickers.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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