There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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