wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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