Just cropdusted the office
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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