my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
