NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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