Too much gin, very little bucket
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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