Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
