I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
