I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
