All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
