The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
