sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
