Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
