His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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