So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
