How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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