he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
