What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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