I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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