I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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