she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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