just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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