Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
