Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
