thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize