Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
