So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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