so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
