it was like his penis was on wheels.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
