I bet he comes in French.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just cropdusted the office
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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