dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
