i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
