did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
