I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
