there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize