You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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