Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
