i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
