So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
