dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
