y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
