Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
