i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
